is your mom at the bar?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
