Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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