she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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