My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
