the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's just like the Real World with babies
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
