All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
