if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza