Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.