I just cut my nipple shaving
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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