my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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