I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
