Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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