I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
