It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
