wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
