remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
