a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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