Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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