Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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