Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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