wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
