I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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