we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
