Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
