I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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