The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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