Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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