i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So much rum. So many feels.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
