Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We need to get me chipped asap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
