i love accidental penises.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
