It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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