It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
