they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you had me at cake vodka
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
