$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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