Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And then he peed in my hair
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