Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
