yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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