I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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