quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize