You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Enjoy the penises
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
