If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
