maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's the barista slut.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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