based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
