You're completely useless in the revolution.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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