I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
