I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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