You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
