Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
