i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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