I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
