Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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