you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
