Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
