I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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