what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
