Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
