Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
