someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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