Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
