I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
