the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
