Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
