the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
