so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
