Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
