Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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