i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
