You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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